Life Outside the Party

I remember being the life of the party before the actual party started: pregames with mi amigos con Casamigos! Fireball, BuzzBallz, and blunt rotations. Pregame was a part of my “getting-ready” routine!

Partying was my way of convincing myself I wasn’t broken since I cleaned shot glasses with my best friends. We thought we were having a good time. And, ideally, it was fun since we didn’t know any better.

My only concept of enjoyment was busted bars, stuffy cars, and smoke rings in the air. I couldn’t conceive of an exciting life beyond cheap party clothes and free entry tickets at midnight. Most nights, I complained it was lame, but you’d see me next weekend doing the same thing because nightlife was my only choice for excitement. 

But, for some reason, I always had bad experiences with alcohol. I remember late nights lying on the floor, praying dizziness away. Sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night and use breathing techniques to hold down the liquor, but it never worked! LOL. Sometimes, I would be so drunk and ill that I’d pray this prayer: “Lord, if you get me through this, I won’t ever drink again!” 

Now, I didn’t keep those promises, but I was genuinely going through it when I drank too much. I was miserable with my head in the toilet after I threw my head back to a “cheers!” Somewhere along my journey, I learned how to call my pain “fun” and torture “pleasure”. Nights when I was sick or simply unhappy with myself, I would cry about it, but say to my friends the next day, “Let’s go out next weekend!” 

But one day, I realized I was constantly chasing parties because I was trying to resolve my internal needs. I think I was chasing a feeling that left me– perhaps something I lost while growing up– maybe excitement, maybe happiness, or maybe youth…

One weekend, I chose to stay home as a courtesy to my new “spiritual journey.” I opened my Bible to see if God was the answer to that lost little girl who had molded herself to fit the aesthetic of “outside”. 

I knew I was doing the right thing, but I began to feel discouraged because I didn’t understand God’s language. So I prayed this: I can’t do this alone, please send me people who know You, love You, and can help me get to know You.

Not long after, I found a community of believers who knew more about Jesus than I did, and somehow, I ended up at a bible study! 

Miraculously, the excitement and happiness I was chasing at midnight in parking lots and party spots was found on a weekday during a conversation with some Christians about a compassionate God who loves me despite my resistance to being loved by Him.

God’s touch was more satisfying than the idea of a party and safer than my unsoberness. 

God presents us with safety and satisfaction with His presence alone. With Him, we don’t need to get high, drunk, or unsober because He satisfies our soul’s longing for happiness and love. There is life outside the party if you seek the One who gives life and life more abundantly!